I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is wine microwaveable?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You ate ashes out of my bong
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
