even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh god it's open bar.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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