they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
