The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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