Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
