Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
