woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
