i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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