He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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