First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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