Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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