Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
