Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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