well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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