The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
