You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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