omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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