It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You were trust falling into bushes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
