Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize