I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
