I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
