I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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