i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
