And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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