I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We left an ass print on the piano.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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