if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
