Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
