My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
