i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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