I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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