How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no you cant smoke seaweed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
