My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
