what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
