dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
