ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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