your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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