i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
