I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
