I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We left the knife in your bed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
