I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
