do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just high enough for therapy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
