I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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