then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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