I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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