remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
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She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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