I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
