he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
