Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
