pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize