you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
