that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
