I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Houston, we have a blender
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
