We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
