dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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