i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
