first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize