Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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