i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
