Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
