So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
