Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
