Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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