Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
