You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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