Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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