So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The air was thick with penises
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
