did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
