is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
