I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
