your thong is hanging out like whoa
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
