God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my sisters under your porch take her home
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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